Time Keeps on Slippin’

Time Keeps on Slippin’
Rachel Birdsell

Rachel Birdsell

“Time doth flit, oh shit!” – Dorothy Parker

The other day, I was browsing Target, piling way too many things into my cart as I want to do when I’m there, and I turned the corner and noticed a lot of bras and undies on display. There were at least three times as many as are usually being paraded on little plastic hangers, and even though it was around Valentine’s Day, I still thought it was an awful lot of lingerie.

I took a closer look and realized that these almost-not-there items weren’t lingerie, but were, instead, swimsuits. And, then it all made sense. It’s February, and that’s when all of us are thinking about our swimsuit shopping, right? I mean, I’m all about wanting to pull my legs that are so white they appear to be quite lifeless, out from under the knee socks, leggings and jeans they’ve been burrowed under since November, and put them on display in a swimsuit. And I especially want to do this three months before I have to, months before the thermometer will ever register a number high enough to warrant the wearing of a swimsuit.

It isn’t just clothing that gets pushed months ahead. Holiday décor is out before one holiday is even over. Before Valentine’s Day was over, stores were stocking St. Patrick’s Day items. And in a week or so, Easter will appear, and we’ll continue jumping ahead to holidays that are still months ahead. All the while, the current holiday is left withering because we aren’t paying attention to it anymore, because we bought the decorations for it months ago, and we’re already tired of it. It’s still winter, but we’re buying swimsuits. It’s still spring, but we have to buy school supplies. It’s still August, but what kind of decorations are we going to put on the Christmas tree? WE’RE ALL IN A HURRY, PEOPLE! I’M NOT SURE WHY WE ARE, BUT WE ARE, AND SO I AM COMPELLED TO SCREAM ABOUT IT!

When did this even start happening? Back in the day, we would have been shocked if Christmas decorations were out before Thanksgiving. It just wasn’t done, at least not in polite company. I don’t know what marketing genius started the trend of pushing holidays out faster than a Duggar pushes out babies, but I don’t like that person, and as much as I abhor violence, I have to admit that I want to poke them in the eye.

Doesn’t this bother you? This rushing, rushing, rushing? What are we missing when we are constantly being pushed ahead? We’re always trying to catch the next thing, and so we always feel like we’re behind. We’re missing out on the now because we’re trying so damn hard to catch the future. And, people of the world, until the Doctor shows up in the Tardis, catching the future is impossible.

Time goes by fast enough. Let’s stop pushing it, and please, for the love of all things sacred and for common decency, let me keep my stark, pasty legs hidden for just a few more months.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and graphic artist. You can reach her at rabirdsell@gmail.com.

Categories: Commentary