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No Hunting Cactus Leaves, Please

Read your column in the Village Voice and am hoping you can help me: I think I have a Mexican problem. In short, I have a home in sunny California on a property with an abundance of agave cactus and Century plants growing along the street.

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This Desert's A Dump

DEAR MEXICAN: I was today alerted to the problem of trash dumped on the Sonoran Desert in Arizona and am trying to track down more articles about the issue. That is how I found you. There are lots and lots of piles of trash — looks like clothes — in a wash in Arizona. Can you tell me what’s going on?

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¡ASK A MEXICAN!: Special Navidad Edition

At this stage in life, I have lots of extra stuff — household items, dishes, clothes, toys (my three boys are older) and stuff you’d put on a garage sale, except I don’t do garage sales. What’s a tactful way to say, “I have a load of my used crap and you’re welcome to take it if you want?”

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¡ASK A MEXICAN!: Defective

Do the rest of us a favor and stop breeding. I know you can’t do that because of your defective culture, so when Armageddon comes it will be fought between the Mexicans with their pants down and Moslems with their robes up. Should be one hell of an event.

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News Of The Weird

French farmer Michele Rouyer, who was discovered by police with about 11 pounds of packaged marijuana and a dozen plants, said the weed was not for himself but for the 150 ducks he raises.

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¡ASK A MEXICAN!: Grounded

DEAR MEXICAN: Why can AeroMexico Airlines fly through any kind of weather conditions to get to and from the United States, but any kind of little ice sprinkle or heavy wind and domestic airlines in the U.S. cancel two days worth of flights?

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News Of The Weird

The collapse of the economy in 2008 might have reached the far corners of Earth, but evidently not to Planet Calypso, the make-believe asteroid containing make-believe real estate in the multiplayer online game “Entropia Universe,” where resort entrepreneur Jon Jacobs recently cashed out his properties for $635,000 — in real (not make-believe) U.S. dollars.

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Ask A Mexican: Grounded

Why can AeroMexico Airlines fly through any kind of weather conditions to get to and from the United States, but any kind of little ice sprinkle or heavy wind and domestic airlines in the U.S. cancel two days worth of flights?

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¡ASK A MEXICAN!

DEAR MEXICAN: This güero downloaded the Arizona S.B. 1070 bill, did a search on the document for “Mexicans” and did not come up with a single hit. What’s up with that?

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¡ASK A MEXICAN!: ONE-MAN MELTING POT

DEAR MEXICAN: I am a mutt. My father’s father was an illegal immigrant from Mexico. My mother’s father was an illegal immigrant from Ireland. I get what-the-fuck stares when I walk into Taqueria Zamora on Bristol for a chorizo-and-egg burrito. I get WTF stares when I inform pendejo gabachos why I don’t appreciate their beaner jokes.