TFW - The Free Weekly | Category Archive

Balancing sans Balls

No Comments 08 December 2011

By Rachel Birdsell
TFW Contributing Writer

This September, we got a call from one of our neighbors begging us to, “Please come and rescue this kitten under our porch.” So, the boyfriend went across the street and did his boyfriendly duties, which also include ridding the house of unwanted pests, exorcising the refrigerator of moldy food, opening jars and cleaning out the litter boxes. Basically, if it’s anything icky or something that requires more strength than I have, it falls on his duty list.

When the BF brought the kitty home, much to the chagrin of our two obese cats (lovingly referred to as the Bitch Sisters), the kitten immediately decided he adored every living creature in the house. I’ve never seen such an exuberant cat before. He still thinks that when the Bitch Sisters growl and hiss at him, it means they want to play. He is either just entirely too optimistic or he’s simply not right in the head.

We posted notices around thinking he was just lost, but no one ever came to claim him. After a couple of weeks, he became ours. We dubbed him Ichabod Edgar the Terrible. He lives up to this name.

This morning, the BF performed the icky task of taking Ichabod to the vet to get neutered. I felt a pang of guilt when they walked out the door. More for making him endure the BF’s driving than for the neutering.

The BF brought Ichabod home this afternoon, and he’s wobbling around like he’s a little drunk (Ichabod, not the BF). The BF had his own theory as to why Ichabod was unsteady.

The BF: He’s off-balance because his balls are gone. They’re what he used to balance with.
Me: What? No. That’s not right. His balls are not used as a counterbalance. He’s off-balance because he’s heavily medicated.
The BF: No. It’s because a dude’s balls are used to help him balance.
Me: No they aren’t! Why do men feel the need to think that their balls are SO BIG that they actually help balance their entire body?
The BF: Well, a guy gets used to having them. If I lost mine, I’d be off-balance.
Me: You’re wrong, but we could test your theory.

This effectively ended that argument, with me being the clear winner.

The kitten is recovering nicely, even though it looks like the vet replaced his testicles with a slightly moldy prune. He keeps pretending like he’s only exposing his wounds so he can lick himself, but I know it’s really because he’s trying to make me feel even guiltier for what happened to him today. He knows something significant has happened, but I don’t think the full magnitude of this event has hit him, yet.

I’m not sure what changes his loss will bring about. I’m assuming he’ll be more docile. A little less energy would be nice. While I hope he doesn’t lose all of his playfulness, I hope his need to pounce on every available surface in the house at 3 in the morning will be somewhat abated. It would also be great if he never felt the need to pee on the wall or to dry hump the other cats. Or my leg. Or guests’ legs. Scratch that. That would depend on the guest, actually.

As I write this, he’s sitting on my lap purring, so either he’s forgiven me or the pain medicine hasn’t worn off yet. I’m going to assume by the way his left eye is twitching and his head is bobbing, that it’s probably the pain meds. In any case, I love the little guy even when he’s a terrible pain in the ass because he’s a cute pain, and he’s my pain. I hope one day you’ll be lucky enough to find your own little pain in the ass, too.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer, artist and semi-professional cat wrangler. Feel free to drop her a note at rabirdsell@gmail.com

Chatter, Commentary

The “C-Word” and Other Imagined Atrocities

No Comments 01 December 2011

By Rachel Birdsell
Contributing Writer
I sincerely hope that all of you made it through Black Friday shopping without getting pepper sprayed or bludgeoned with whatever toy people are bludgeoning each other with this year. Now it’s time for us to begin bludgeoning each other over the C-word like we do every year.

I don’t mean that C-word, but the other C-word … Christmas. You know, the word that is no longer acceptable during the Christmas season. You can’t wish someone a Merry Christmas anymore; you must wish them “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” or “Lucky Festivus.” (I’m not exactly 100 percent sure if that last one is the correct terminology, but it’s what I’ve heard.) I am a heathen of the highest caliber and am rather liberal about social issues, but I honestly don’t care if you wish me a Merry Christmas. I don’t celebrate Christmas as a Christian holiday, but I still love the iconography of the virgin birth. I love manger scenes, and if you were to come over to my house, you’d notice statues of the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus, along with one or two rosaries. I think all of these things are pretty, and that’s as far as it goes for me.

It may go farther for you, and that’s OK. I don’t care what you believe, unless you believe that it’s OK to wear leggings as pants in public.

I know there are those of you who are probably appalled and are thinking that I must not be a very devoted heathen if I’m not offended by someone wishing me Merry Christmas, because “Holy virgin birth, Batman!” What could be worse than Merry Christmas? I can think of at least one thing that’s worse. You know how when you’re using one of your fingernails to chip off old nail polish and some of the polish breaks off and stabs you underneath your fingernail? That’s worse than someone wishing me a Merry Christmas. Seriously. Most of you men may have not ever had this happen, but trust me; it’s quite unpleasant.

I was recently in a discussion about how non-Christians did or didn’t celebrate Christmas, and an acquaintance of mine was completely taken aback when I told her that I actually put up a Christmas tree.

She couldn’t have been more shocked if I’d told her I roasted my children’s pet kitten, and then fed it to them unknowingly for Christmas dinner.

Of course, that happening is ridiculous because my children are grown and don’t keep their pets with me anymore. I guess I missed the Heathens International meeting that discussed how we’re supposed to hate Christmas trees.

I haven’t met a Christian, yet, who’s told me that I’m not allowed to have one, either. I’m sure there are those who feel that way, but I try not to associate with people who are so close-minded and ridiculous.

However, I don’t think it’s OK for a manger scene to be on the front lawn of the courthouse because I feel strongly that any flavor of religion should be kept away from any form of government. It just makes things a lot easier. There are so many religions it would be impossible to draw the line as to who could or couldn’t have a holiday display on government property. What if I started a cult that worshipped wildebeests, and for Christmas we wanted to put our display of a wildebeest feasting on a howler monkey on the courthouse lawn? It wouldn’t make for a very pleasant holiday decoration, so it’s just simpler to say “no” to everyone, thereby keeping nutcases such as myself off the lawn. But, if you want to put 10,000 light-up plastic figurines of the Baby Jesus in your yard and then shout Merry Christmas to me when I go by, I’m perfectly OK with it. If you send me a holiday card and it has those dreaded words, “Merry Christmas,” on it, I won’t rip it to shreds and then burn the pieces over my Yule Log.

Maybe this year instead of spending our energy being offended about a seasonal greeting or bickering about how we should celebrate, let’s remember we all have at least one thing in common. While we’re spending time with our families this holiday season, we’ll all be wishing at some point that there was more booze in the eggnog — whether we’re celebrating Christmas, Holiday or Festivus.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer, artist and semi-professional cat wrangler. Feel free to drop her a note at rabirdsell@gmail.com.

Chatter, Uncategorized

Chocolate Cake and Cellulite

No Comments 22 November 2011

by Blair Jackson on Tuesday, November 22, 2011 at 11:17pm

Yes, I am eating my entire birthday cake by myself.

Call it twenty-six.

Call it pathetic.

Call it what you will.

I will call it delicious.

And with each bite, I think of my mom, who baked this cake for me.

And I’m glad that she didn’t go to Rick’s bakery to get a fancy cake with too-sweet icing.

I’m glad she baked it herself and used my favorite frosting — the kind I used to dip my fingers into when I was a kid.

And I’m glad that my mom was the kind of mom who let me dip my fingers in the icing.

I’m glad she was the kind of mom who never, ever said a word about my weight.

So here’s what I’m thinking, after eating my piece of chocolate cake, waiting to edit the final pages of The Free Weekly.

Who cares if you get fat?

Oh, it’s health you’re worried about?

For some of you, perhaps.

But if you’re like me, it’s staring at the cover of the summer tabloid at the checkout line, mentally quaking at the cellulite dotting the legs of ill-proportioned celebrities. The flabby arms, the bloated bellies — and the neon splash across the page that says “LOOK WHO’S FAT AND DISGUSTING!”

And guess what WORLD, I’m a size zero to size two; and I HAVE CELLULITE.

Yes, because I eat chocolate cake.

Yes, because I live at a desk.

And YES, one day, I may be weeded out because the evolutionary model will see me as a weak link.

But, I stand before you now — no, let’s be honest, I’m sitting, perpetually sitting — saying if I EVER care about my weight, it will be because I want to be healthy, NOT because I’m afraid of you seeing my bare ass.

Because 1) I have no delusions about my celebrity standing and 2) Don’t Care.

SO EAT CAKE, BOYS AND GIRLS! And effing enjoy it. Or it’s not worth the Mama who made it.

Chatter

City to hold meetings on Dickson Parking

No Comments 25 March 2010

The city is holding two public meetings about the upcoming implementation of the residential parking program and the paid parking program in the Dickson Street Entertainment District. Preliminary plans will be reviewed during these meetings.

A session on residential parking in the Dickson Street are will be at 6 p.m. Wednesday in room 111 at City Hall. Residents area encouraged to attend this meeting to review the proposed changes in the district.

At 3 p.m. April 1, there will be a discussion of the Dickson Street Pay Parking Program in room 111 at City Hall. Merchants and the general public are encouraged to attend this meeting to review the proposal.

Chatter

Living Greener, Earthships and Living Buildings

No Comments 24 December 2009

I’ve heard of extremely environmentally friendly homes and communities called “Earthships” popping up across the U.S. What are they exactly?

An Earthship is a kind of passive solar home-or community of homes-typically made of natural and recycled materials such as old tires and recycled cans. Such homes make use of non-polluting renewable energy sources and smart design to meet most if not all heating, cooling and power needs. The term Earthship, coined by self-proclaimed “biotect” Mike Reynolds, is derived from the homes being in and of the Earth-that is, constructed responsibly out of earthen materials and built into the ground. It also refers to living in a ship, which requires inhabitants to be autonomous from outside help (such as a power grid).

The concept has spread well beyond from its roots in the desert surrounding Taos, N.M. Besides being the headquarters for Reynolds’ Earthship Biotecture business, the Taos area is also home to several Earthship communities which generate their own power without contributing to the atmosphere’s growing carbon load and make use of local recycled materials to minimize resource use.

Construction materials in Earthship homes vary according to what particular recycled items are plentiful and useful in a given locale. The New Mexico versions usually consist of exterior walls made from earth-filled tires stacked like bricks and covered in stucco or adobe. These thick outer walls employ “thermal mass construction” to naturally regulate indoor temperatures. Wintertime heating is provided primarily by the Earthship’s layout and orientation, with windows on the sunny sides of the building letting in light and heat. A properly constructed Earthship can maintain a comfortable indoor air temperature with plentiful natural ventilation all year-round with little or no help from power-hungry heating or cooling equipment.

According to the Web site Greenhomebuilding.com, some other common features in Earthship homes include: curving interior walls fleshed out with recycled cans mortared together with concrete; rooftop water catchment; reuse of so-called gray water for landscaping irrigation and plumbing; composting toilets; and other cutting-edge eco-friendly techniques and technologies.

Earthship Biotecture makes available via its Web site several books and videos outlining different perspectives on the Earthship concept, as well as practical information on how to build one of your own. The Web site also provides a wealth of information on existing Earthships and helps those interested in the concept connect with one another via a global network of builders and enthusiasts. It is also a great place to find an existing Earthship home for sale or rent. The firm also offers internships with Michael Reynolds and other leading practitioners in the emerging discipline.

Earthships can be found in most U.S. states today, though New Mexico is the leader, followed closely by Colorado. Several have sprung up in England and France as well as in South Africa, among other countries. And with more and more governments tightening up their building codes to require increased energy efficiency and smarter use of resources, Earthships are bound to become even more popular.

CONTACTS: Earthship Biotecture, www.earthship.net; Greenhomebuilding.com, www.greenhomebuilding.com.

I recently heard the term “living building.” Can you explain?

Over the past couple of decades, architects and builders looking to green their projects turned to the addition of various piecemeal elements to save water here or cut down on electricity there. Those who added more than a few green touches could apply for and get certified by the United States Green Building Council (USGBC) under its Leadership in Energy and Efficient Design (LEED) program. While these efforts have been laudable-essentially launching the green building industry as we know it today-they represent merely the infancy of what green building might someday become.

The concept of the “living building” has now emerged as a new ideal for design and construction. The Cascadia Region Green Building Council (CRGBC)-the Pacific Northwest chapter of the USGBC-defines a living building as a structure that “generates all of its own energy with renewable non-toxic resources, captures and treats all of its water, and operates efficiently and for maximum beauty.” The group has been pushing for adoption of the concept by construction industries here at home, and also helped to launch the International Living Building Institute to promote the concept internationally.

“We view our role as the organization that is meant to ask the really tough questions, to push the boundaries as far as possible,” says Jason McLennan, CEO of CRGBC. To this end, in 2006 the group launched its Living Building Challenge (LBC), a “call to the design and construction community to pursue true sustainability in the built environment.” So far 60 different projects around North America are vying to meet the high standards of the LBC, which exceed even the highest status of LEED certification.

The first building to be completed for consideration under the LBC program is the Omega Center for Sustainable Living, in Rhinebeck, N.Y. The 6,200 square-foot, one-level building, which serves as headquarters for the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies, features a geothermal heating and cooling system, solar panels, rain gardens that direct water run-off to irrigate plantings, a 4,500-square-foot greenhouse that helps filter wastewater for reuse, “daylighting” design that brings natural light indoor to minimize electric light usage, and eco-friendly building materials all around. It was designed-per LBC criteria-to be “net-zero,” meaning it uses no more energy than it generates itself. Once the building has been in operation for a full year next summer, CRGBC will audit it to see if its performance lives up to the green hype. Dozens of other LBC contenders around North America will be audited as well.

Of course, the costs of creating a living building today are very high. Achieving net-zero can be especially costly, and stands out as one of the biggest obstacles to greater interest in the living building concept. Another challenge is finding materials that meet LBC standards, since many common building materials-such as PVC piping for wastewater transport-off-gas chemicals and have other hazardous attributes. LBC also expects builders to source locally as many materials as possible to boost local economies and make efficient use of nearby natural resources. McLennan remains confident that costs will come down as green materials, technologies and methods become more commonplace within the general building industry.

SEND YOUR ENVIRONMENTAL QUESTIONS TO: EarthTalk from the Editors of E/The Environmental Magazine, P.O. Box 5098, Westport, CT 06881; earthtalk@emagazine.com.

Chatter

Mitchell Gold Coming To FPL

No Comments 26 November 2009

Renowned furniture designer and author Mitchell Gold will visit the Fayetteville Public Library for a talk and book signing at 11 a.m. Dec. 12. Gold, who created the furniture company Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams, with his business partner Bob Williams, has authored several design books and recently released “Crisis: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing up Gay in America.”

Gold is also the founder of Faith in America, dedicated to ending religion-based prejudice against the gay community.

Chatter

’Tis The Season To Be Jolly — So Keep Costs Low

No Comments 26 November 2009

Frugal Ideas For Holiday Spending

By Bruce Castleberry

The holidays are an emotional time. It’s almost impossible not to be immersed in a blizzard of memories. But even if visions of sugarplums are dancing in your head, the costs that often come with the season can hit you like a 10-pound fruitcake or spiked eggnog.

Make sure you don’t wake up with a financial hangover this year by strategizing your spending. Here are some tips:

Make a list, check it twice. Shopping with a list means you are more likely to stay within a budget. Avoid impulse purchases.

Be careful with credit cards. The average person typically spends at least 20 percent more when shopping with credit cards instead of cash. Using credit cards makes it easy to deceive yourself about how much you really spent. Racking

up credit card debt is the “white elephant” gift that keeps on giving. Consumers who charge too much will have more stress, which can lessen the joy of the season. Even worse, credit card payments will limit your ability to buy things in the future, and interest and other fees will increase the cost of gifts.

And a partridge in a pear tree. Avoid picking up a “few” more things to make an existing gift “special.” If you’ve already bought the three French hens, do they need the four calling birds too? Most people will be happy enough to have been thought of with any gift. Don’t overdo it.

The red tag can put you in the red. Everyone loves a good deal, but if that good deal wrecks your budget, it’s not a good deal for your bank account.

Dasher and dancer. Last-minute panic shopping is a recipe for disaster. The pressure leads to hasty

decisions (which can cost more), not to mention the reduced selection (which can cost more). This frenzy also encourages shoppers to fall into expensive bad habits such as grabbing food on the run, because it’s easier than going home and making a meal, because blitzkrieg shopping is exhausting. Go to the stores as early as possible to space out your spending, or if possible, wait and take advantage of post-holiday deals.

The frosty error. When budgeting for season shopping, don’t forget associated costs such as cards, stamps, decorations, extra food costs, wrapping paper, stocking stuffers and other adornments.

Fortunately, there are several lowor no-cost alternatives for the frugal holiday gift-giver.

Make gift certificates for babysitting, cleaning or some other service.

Make gifts like cookies, cakes or candy.

Give a gift, but not a store-bought card. Create homemade cards.

Instead of an expensive item, fill a small stocking with inexpensive gifts.

While it may be too late for this season, use layaway plans if possible.

Give a family gift instead of individual gifts. A board game is a nice way to provide a family with more opportunities to spend time together.

If you have a large family, consider drawing names to exchange gifts.

Chatter

City Info

No Comments 01 October 2009

Compost Facility Hours The City’s Compost Facility at 1708 S. Armstrong Ave. is open during normal operating hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. and the first two Saturdays of each month from 8 a.m. to noon. Beginning in November, Saturday hours will be reduced to the first Saturday only each month. Residents of Fayetteville are allowed to bring brush, leaves or grass to the site during these hours but need to bring a recent water bill for proof of residency. Commercial landscapers and contractors are allowed to use the site and normal fees apply.

Mulch Distribution Mulch will be made available during normal operating hours while supplies last. The fee for mulch is $10 per scoop and is available to anyone.

Compost Distribution Compost will be made available to Fayetteville residents in October. A separate press release will announce when the compost is ready for distribution.

Recycling Drop Off on S. Happy Hollow The Solid Waste and Recycling Division operates a recycling drop off center located just off 15th St. on S. Happy Hollow. The site is open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week to provide convenient recycling options. Volunteer groups are being sought to work a few hours on Saturdays to clean and provide education to those wishing to recycle. Interested groups should contact Brian Pugh at 718-7685 for more information.

Cans for Cash The City of Fayetteville is participating in the Cans for Cash City Recycling Challenge. The contest, created by The U.S. Conference of Mayors and Novelis Corporation, challenges cities across the country to collect recyclable aluminum beverage cans. The challenge lasts during the month of October, officially starting on October 1st and ending on October 31st, 2009.

Residents can help by placing their aluminum cans in their curbside recycling bins at home for weekly collection or by bringing the cans to the City of Fayetteville’s Recycling drop off site located at 1560 S. Happy Hollow Road. The drop off site information is listed above.

2009 Fall Ward Bulky Waste Clean ups scheduled

Bulky Waste Ward clean ups are for large bulky items only.

The Solid Waste and Recycling Division will sponsor four (4) Ward clean ups for the disposal/recycling of large bulky items during the Fall. All clean ups will occur on a Saturday and will begin at 7 a.m. and end at 2 pm.

These bulky waste clean ups are specifically for large bulky items that cannot fit into a residents normal trash cart. These clean ups will not accept bags of normal household garbage as that is handled through normal weekly curbside collection. There are certain things that will not be accepted at the clean ups which are outlined with this information. If you are a resident of Fayetteville, you can bring bulky items to any of the clean ups. Please bring a recent copy of the water bill to verify residency.

If you would like to organize a neighborhood clean-up utilizing orange bags for litter disposal please contact Brian Pugh at 718-7685 or bpugh@ci.fayetteville.ar.us.

Bulky Waste Clean Up Dates and Locations:

Ward 4 on September 12th: Owl Creek School (375 N. Rupple Road) and Shaver Foods Parking lot (Behind Randall Tyson Track complex) 1367 S. Beechwood

Ward 3 on October 3rd: Elks Lodge (4444 N. Crossover) and Vandergriff Elementary (2975 E. Township St.) Enter off Mission and exit out on Township

Ward 1 on October 17th: Root Elementary (1529 E. Mission Blvd.) and Solid Waste & Recycling Facility (1560 S. Happy Hollow Road)

Ward 2 on October 24th: Woodland Jr. High School (7 E. Poplar in front parking lot) and Church of Christ (310 W. Center St.)

Recycling of E-Scrap including T.V.’s, computers and all corresponding equipment will be offered through these bulky waste clean ups. Each clean up will have a certain site at which to bring E-Scrap. Please read the following information about those locations:

September 12th – Ward 4 - E-Scrap box located at Shaver Foods.

October 3rd – Ward 3 - E-Scrap box located at Vandergriff Elementary.

October 17th – Ward 1 - E-Scrap box located at Solid Waste and Recycling Facility.

October 24th – Ward 2 - E-Scrap box located at Church of Christ.

There are limitations on what can be accepted, see below for details on the requirements. Limit one (1) freon bearing appliance per household. You must bring your current City water bill for verification of residency in order to drop off items.

Items allowed:

Couches, chairs, mattresses, large appliances; such as, refrigerators, stoves, washers, dryers, carpet, padding, vinyl flooring, drywall, paneling (Limited amounts only, no contractors allowed), lawn mowers, hot water heaters, plumbing fixtures, E-Scrap: T.V’s, Computers and corresponding equipment (Check for locations on where to take E-Scrap)

Items not allowed:

Household Hazardous Wastes; such as, paint, thinners, solvents, batteries, cleaning chemicals, pesticides, herbicides, automotive fluids, etc. household garbage, commercial garbage, medical waste, dirt, rocks, brush, leaves and grass, tires.

Only one Freon bearing appliance accepted for free, additional appliances are $20 each to cover Freon removal.

Washington County operates a Household Hazardous Waste Collection center and a tire trailer. Their site is located at 2615 Brink Dr. in south Fayetteville. The hours of operation for their site is Mon.-Fri. from 8:00am to 4:00pm and the first Saturday of each month from 8:00 am until noon. Their phone number for more information is 444-1725.

Information gathered from:

http://www.accessfayetteville.org/government/solid_waste/news/2009_Fall_Ward_Clean_ups.cfm

Chatter

2009 Fall Ward Bulky Waste Clean ups scheduled

No Comments 17 September 2009