Advice Goddess
Beard-Death Experience
Nobody wants to be the one to tell a guy that his attempted sexy-man scruff is a ringer for a Hobbit’s feet or plant life struggling up after a nuclear winter.
MP3's A Crowd
Desperation is always so sexy — like Abraham Lincoln in a lime-green mankini.
Under New Anger Management
In touch football, you’re only supposed to put a hand or two on another player — as opposed to, oh, tearing out his soul with your bare hands, grinding it into a fine powder, and sprinkling it on your cornflakes.
I'm With Stupor
No wife, no job, probably no car, and no house — it’s like there’s a country song sleeping on your couch.
Empty Shelly
When you say to your girlfriend “So, what are your thoughts on the Middle East?” you’d rather she didn’t respond, “Like, you mean, Philadelphia?”
Cheat Exhaustion
By Amy Alkon Cheat Exhaustion My girlfriend and I are mostly happy together, but we have this ongoing fight where she accuses me of wanting to cheat whenever I so
Tales From The Cryptic
If you do want more from the relationship, you may be able to get it, but expecting a man to read your thoughts is like expecting your dog to understand algebra.
Pierre Pressure
In addition to his being an experienced 34 to your inexperienced 18, he’s also French. If there’s a French national sport, it’s probably seduction.
Is This Deceit Taken?
After a certain point — the French tactfully call it “un certain age” — a woman’s birthday tends to come but once every two or three years.
Destitution Wedding
Instead of just sending regrets, it’s tempting to passive-aggressively express your resentment: “Unfortunately, I have a conflict — in that I have to make my car payment.”
