Is your dating coach 8 years old? Because “I refuse to speak to you till you propose!” is a (slightly) more adult version of “I’m holding my breath till you buy me that Barbie!”
Nothing like screaming obscenities into somebody’s face to get them to respond, “Gosh, I forgot how much I love you. And I really want to make all of those changes in myself.”
You need “time to yourself”? Great. She can do that. Just call her when you’re ready. No, not on the phone. She’ll be out on your porch in her sleeping bag.
Getting married is supposed to be something you do when you find the right person, not whichever person happens to be right next to you when the clock above your ovaries strikes “HolyshitWe’re30!”
Admittedly, women aren’t going to psychics and asking, “Tell me, Madam Sasha…will he have recreational sex with me? I NEED TO KNOWWW!”
It was so much easier when we only wore fig leaves and you could just rake next to the bed.
In situations like this, “absence” would be more useful if, instead of making the heart “grow fonder,” it made the heart grow little legs and trot off to a bar to chat up somebody new.
Gushing over a woman right out of the gate — “Wow…you have skin!” — tends to give a man all the rough-hewn sex appeal of a Care Bear.
Sure, according to Pat Benatar, “love is a battlefield.” But spending three months fighting with a sociopathic boyfriend doesn’t leave you ducking for cover whenever a car backfires like a guy who did three tours of IED disposal in Iraq and came home with most of the parts he went in with.
Just like women, men often verbalize complex emotions — for example, “I want sausage andpepperoni on that.”