Ah, yes…your love is like a summer’s day — if a summer’s day chased its lemonade with two Red Bulls and a five-shot latte.
So what did he do before you moved in, just chain her to the radiator while he took a snooze?
Nothing says “I’m over you” like a Saturday night text blitz of hate and real estate.
Try to think of this as artisanal dating. Maybe he’s finished building the bed out of antique Popsicle sticks but his carpal tunnel kicked in while he was killing the flock of ducks for the mattress or spinning the cotton for the sheets.
I’m a 20-year-old woman, and for three months last year, I dated a 21-year-old guy. Suddenly, out of the blue, he stopped returning my calls.
Welcome to the decline of civilization playing out in a single garment. If a grown man who wears one of these things says something like “Let me slip into something more comfortable,” you’ve got to think, “What, the womb?”
Okay then. You’ll just be having a nice big scoop of “What Comes Around Goes Around.” Cup or cone? Nuts? Sprinkles?
Sex can be a form of peacekeeping, since your girlfriend can’t be screaming that you loaded the dishwasher wrong if she’s screaming, “OHGOD!OHGOD!OHGOD!”
You’ve got a bad case of the “coulda shouldas,” which, in psychology, is called “counterfactual thinking,” as in thinking “counter” to the actual “facts” of what happened.
There are a number of reasons women fake orgasms, like that the guy is taking FOREVER.