There are some wonderful committed relationships that started off with “I want to spend the rest of my boner with you!”
Welcome to the science-inspired catcall: “Woooo, girl…you look like a nuclear physicist in them hot pants!”
Unfortunately, you can’t just tell her that your relationship was “a gift from God.” So was the plague of locusts.
A man can love you to pieces and count his blessings every day you two are together — and it won’t stop him from wanting to see your sister bend over.
If public humiliation were the key to proper pronunciation and correct word use, the hot new show on Bravo would be “The Real Housewives of the Oxford English Dictionary.”
Strange how nobody ever manages to shoot video when there’s an alien spaceship in the vicinity — perhaps because they’re too busy recording that guy, two traffic lanes over, who’s picking his nose.
When men say they “love surprises,” they mean the sort involving an impromptu striptease, not where you wait till the sixth date to tell them that, no, that child seat actually isn’t for your terrier.
Endlessly replaying the memories of how perfect your ex was is a great idea — if you’re looking to grow old with a tube sock and a vat of lotion.
Your husband comes into the living room, and there you are — sitting on the floor with a Starbucks cup and a cardboard sign that says, “Anything helps. God bless.”
The way you see it, your friend found that mythical leprechaun with the pot of private jets and beachfront property — and she was all, “Too short! Too green! NEXT!”