Okay then. You’ll just be having a nice big scoop of “What Comes Around Goes Around.” Cup or cone? Nuts? Sprinkles?
Sex can be a form of peacekeeping, since your girlfriend can’t be screaming that you loaded the dishwasher wrong if she’s screaming, “OHGOD!OHGOD!OHGOD!”
You’ve got a bad case of the “coulda shouldas,” which, in psychology, is called “counterfactual thinking,” as in thinking “counter” to the actual “facts” of what happened.
There are a number of reasons women fake orgasms, like that the guy is taking FOREVER.
There are times you may want to tell a woman to calm down, like when you lack live electrical wire to chew on or are curious as to how the nurses would react if you walked into the ER with your head under your arm.
There’s nothing like that thrill of finally getting a text on some Saturday night — and then realizing it’s just your grandma playing with her new iPhone.
Stopping her would be easier if you two were guys: “I don’t like the way you’re talking about my boobs, Marjorie. Let’s take this outside.”
It’s generally best to score hookup partners from the larger population pool — men whom you might occasionally run into at the grocery store, as opposed to every 45 minutes in the coffee room.
Some personal financial crises are caused by unexpected events, and others simply by how one answers certain basic questions, such as “Hmm, get waxed or continue living with electricity?” or “I can’t decide: New brakes or traffic-stopping hair?”
There’s little that tempers a man’s enthusiasm for a late-night shag like responding to his “want 2 hook up?” by texting back, “YES! i’m ovulating & dying 2 have a baby!”