Like you, I happen to like men who look like their hobbies are chopping down trees and going to war with foreign powers.

Ever gotten new carpeting? The first month, it’s “No shoes and no drinks whatsoever in the living room!” A few months after that: “Oh, we don’t use glasses anymore. Just splash red wine around and drink right off the rug.”

Ideally, “I’ve never felt this way before!” reflects something a little more romantic than longing to tunnel out of your relationship with a sharpened spoon.

Taking an introvert to a party can be a challenge. On the other hand, if it’s a Fourth of July party, you know where to find him: hiding in the bathtub with the dogs.

Once again, it’s Christmas. Ooh, ooh, what’s that under the tree?! Once again…it’s the floor.

Right about now, you’ve got to be recognizing the unexpected benefits of those gas station attendant shirts with the guy’s name sewn onto them.

If gift price is tied to meal price, it seems there should be a sliding scale.

Confessing your crush to your married co-worker is like arranging a transfer to her — of your 26-pound tumor: “His name is Fred. He enjoys fine wine, banned preservatives, and cigarette smoke. I hope you’re very happy together!”

A year ago, the woman who pet-sits for me began inviting herself over for dinner. We started going out about three times a week.