By Rachel Birdsell
Open up Facebook or Twitter on any given day and you’re sure to read about a terribly dramatic event happening in someone’s life. Your definition of “terribly dramatic” is probably different than some people’s, but that’s a minor detail that doesn’t matter to the dramaholics posting their terribly dramatic drama. Your cousin with the lazy eye might be telling everyone how he just found out what a lying, cheating whore his girlfriend is and that she slept with her boss.
Maybe the girl you went to high school with who always smelled like asparagus is complaining about how her husband is a lazy slob who refuses to get a job. And give them bonus points for only hinting around at how bad their relationship is. If there’s one sure way to be more dramatic while airing your dirty laundry, it’s to passive-aggressively air your dirty laundry.
People overshare on a daily basis, and it’s not always sharing bad things.
I mean, it’s great that you and your partner have headboard-knocking-a-hole-in-the-wall sex, but the rest of us really don’t want to know about it. And it’s super awesome that you finally pooped after a week of being constipated, but again, unless we’re your gastroenterologist, that information is totally unnecessary.
I’m not sure why people feel the need to tell us about their sex lives or various bodily functions. Maybe some of them are bored with their lives, so they have to create drama. Maybe they feel emotionally neglected and aren’t sure how to get attention besides informing everyone that they had three orgasms the night before. Or maybe they realize that there are certain people who will spoon that shit up like it’s a bowl of crack-laced Fruity Pebbles.
These are the people who may not share the sordid details of their everyday lives, but will nearly pee themselves reading about and commenting on other people’s drama. They’re enablers and I want to poke them in the eye as much as I want to eye-poke the people telling us about their bowel movements.
So, drama queens, kings and general loudmouths, how about you wash your dirty laundry in your own sink and keep it out of the communal washing machine? If you have trouble knowing what you should or shouldn’t share on your social media pages, here’s a good rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t want it on a bumper sticker on your grandmother’s car, then don’t put it on the internet. And if that rule of thumb doesn’t work for you, here’s another one: If you wouldn’t say it during a job interview, don’t put it on the internet. If neither of those work for you, you obviously need my special rule of thumb: Just don’t put it on the internet.
Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can contact her at email@example.com