By Rachel Birdsell
The devil may be in the detail, but the god is in eggplant. While I know what “the devil is in the detail” means, I have no idea what the god is in the eggplant means. All I know is that for the second time in seven years someone has found God smack in the middle of an eggplant. Well, not an actual god inside of it, just the word GOD is spelled out in the seeds in all capital letters as if the eggplant was shouting. I thought for a minute the GOD might be Thor, but then realized that it must be the Old Testament God, because in between smiting and whacking people, he loved to yell. A lot.
The most recent incarnation of eggplant GOD was discovered by line cook Jermarcus Brady. He also found the word GOD spelled out in the seeds of an eggplant, and said that God was, “showing me that ‘hey, I’m real’ and that’s the only thing I can depend on.” Whatever blows your skirt up, Jerm.
I was going to brush off the latest God sighting as a load of bunk, but a few days after Jermarcus found God in his eggplant, a woman found God in her hair. A couple of years ago, after chemotherapy and radiation, Kristin Kissee discovered that her newly re-grown hair was coming in curly. She posted a photo of her new ‘do to Facebook, never noticing the miracle that was occurring in her follicles. Recently, while looking through old photos on Facebook, lo and behold she found the photo she’d posted years ago, and what to her wondering eyes should appear but the word God spelled out in her hair. Whatever blows her skirt up, too.
Now, I’m not exactly saying I think these two people are barmy for believing that a deity uses freaky ways to let them know he’s still around. I’m just saying that I think these two people are barmy for believing that a deity uses freaky ways to let them know he’s still around. Some people think it’s harmless for people to believe that God speaks to them through random objects, but I think it’s delusional. And if you’re that delusional, you probably think other crazy things like mullets are super sexy and stirrup pants should come back in style, and one day you’ll think God’s telling you via a zucchini that you should snuff out your neighbor, when really, it’s just a harmless squash that’s merely telling you to sauté it in some olive oil.
I suppose I could be wrong about all this. After all, who am I to question people who are convinced that a supernatural being is speaking to them through a vegetable and their own hair? Maybe there really is a God and he chooses daft ways of speaking to people, because he’s quirky and a bit eccentric. But it seems like if he really wanted to let someone know he was still in service, he could just go back to his Old Testament screaming fits. I don’t know about you, but if I heard a booming voice from the heavens yelling at me to listen up, I’d pay a lot more attention to it than I would to something I’d found in the produce department.
Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org