It’s time for a load of crazy, because there’s been a lot of it going around lately. There is some strange force that is luring those among us who are more than slightly barmy out of their dark corners and compelling them to open their mouths and let nonsensical rambling spew forth.
First in the crazy line is Florida State Representative, Charles Van Zant. He had some bad news about the Common Core, which is a set of standards that is supposed to prepare children for college and careers. It seems that the Common Core has an agenda, one that is steeped in a brew of deviltry, possibly a shenanigan or two, and full-on gayness. Charlie said that the Common Core is a devious plot by the government to “attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can.” It just wouldn’t do to have partially gay kids. Nope. We need to indoctrinate our kids to go against the sexual orientation they were born with, and turn them gay. Just think. Once everyone is gay, there won’t be any babies being made which means there eventually wouldn’t be any more people in the U.S., which in turn means that it might actually become a decent country.
But, don’t worry, because Phillip Irvin is here to save us from the gay plague. Phillip’s a contributor at the World Net Daily which is kind of like the Weekly World News only less believable. He’s figured out a way to eradicate homosexuality. All it takes is parents telling their children that people aren’t born gay. Then, their children will tell their friends and those friends will tell their friends, and before you know it, every child in the U.S. will hear about it, and tada! No more gay people. I’m sure it will work perfectly for everyone except for all of the gay people who are born gay, which happens to be all gay people.
Not to be outdone by his fellow nutters, Arizona congressional candidate, Gary Kiehne, stepped away from the gay agenda and instead took aim at the gun problem that Republicans swear we don’t have unless they’re wanting to blame it on Democrats. And that’s exactly what Gary did. He blamed all of the gun-related “fiascos” on Democrats. He stated, “If you look at all the fiascos that have occurred, 99 percent of them have been by Democrats pulling their guns out and shooting people.” Strangely, he couldn’t give an example of a Democrat who was responsible for one of the mass shootings, much less all the Democrats who were responsible for 99 percent of them. He also couldn’t explain why he thought the word fiasco was a good way to describe mass killings. Obviously, all Gary’s dogs don’t bark.
As if to prove that the above fellas aren’t nearly as smart as the average bear or even the average garden slug, a recently released scientific study by Gordon Hodson and Michael Busseri found that lower intelligence was a predictor of racism, homophobia and right wing conservatism.
I’m not going to say that we liberals are smarter than the Tea Party. Yes, I am. We’re smarter, funnier, better looking and doggone it, people like us.
Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org