Commentary

The Non-Kinky Submission of D.J.

Posted by tbaker |

By Rachel Birdsell

Little D.J. Tanner from television’s Full House, who now insists on being called Candace Cameron Bure, has recently been speaking out about her role in her marriage. It would seem that even though she admits that she’s a strong woman, she also admits that she’s taken a submissive role in her marriage. At first I was all like, “Little D.J. turned out to be kinky!” but then I realized she didn’t mean submissive, as in her husband dressed in leather chaps with paddle in hand and tied her to the bed, but instead meant the biblical meaning of submission, which is more along the lines of letting your husband call all the shots.

She stated that, “In the biblical sense, submitting to my husband just means allowing my husband to lead his family because he loves our family, and making the best decisions for our family that he can.” But sometimes those decisions aren’t so great. No worries, though, because little D.J. just doesn’t give a shit. She said that even when her husband’s decisions were bad for the family, she still went along with them, smiling her very submissive smile. I’m not sure how long she’ll be able to keep up the submissive wife role. Lest anyone think she was a welcome mat, little D.J. explained that submission was “strength under control, it is bridled strength,” which to me sounds like “I bite my tongue a lot, and try not to bludgeon my husband in his sleep.”

But, don’t for a minute think that little D.J.’s husband is the one making her submit. She made it very clear that she chose it when she said, “I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work.”

So, she’s being someone she really isn’t, because supposedly it’s what makes her marriage good. Let me fill you in on something Deej. You know who the marriage is good for? Your husband. If you’re letting him make the decisions that affect you, and they’re bad decisions, there’s a big ol’ problem hanging out in the corner of the room and once that problem decides to rear its ugly head, there’s going to be some fur flying. Sadly, it won’t be off the furry handcuffs that you were just wearing.

I understand that there are some people who are natural followers. There is no alpha-ness to be found anywhere near them. So, they will unsurprisingly let someone else take the reins. And that’s all fine and dandy until they start allowing others to make decisions that affect their life. At that point, they’d better find at least a little alpha-ness and take part in the decision making.

The point of a relationship is that you’re both equal. You may have different strengths and weaknesses, but you’re supposed to work together to make the best use of those. No one should ever have to be someone they aren’t in order for a relationship to work. Because if you aren’t truly yourself in a relationship, then you’re lying to everyone, and the worst part is, you’re lying to yourself.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer, artist and semi-professional cat wrangler. You can reach her at rabirdsell@gmail.com

 

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