“What is that you say, unemployed? You don’t want to support America’s consumerist machine? Well, you’re in no position to fret over the prodigious resources devoted to the designing, manufacturing, marketing, shipping, merchandising, selling and disposal of these Chinese-made goods.”
Humorous Insight From A Fayetteville Job Seeker
By Andy Williams
Thanksgiving is still nearly two weeks away, but our commercial holiday season is already in full swing. If you’re not usually titillated by this tawdry display, you might consider seeing the season through rose-colored glasses.
According to the latest figures from the Department of Labor, for every 2.9 job seekers, only one job exists. If this is a difficult pill to swallow for those Americans impervious to statistics, it must be especially difficult if you happen to be the statistic. But all is not lost: this time of year the economy begins to expand thanks to America’s penchant for mindless consumption. That the consumer cannot comprehend the pathology of its addiction is, paradoxically enough, good news to the unemployed: seasonal work provides jobs for millions!
According to Forbes, both Target and Amazon plan to hire 70,000 seasonal workers this year. Toys R’ Us is hiring 45,000. Macy’s is hiring 83,000. And that’s only the beginning. Rejoice, unemployeds! The market has produced millions of informed consumers looking to maximize their profits. And the benevolent producers, out of charity, have responded by creating jobs. Bless them every one!
What is that you say, unemployed? You don’t want to support America’s consumerist machine? Well, you’re in no position to fret over the prodigious resources devoted to the designing, manufacturing, marketing, shipping, merchandising, selling and disposal of these Chinese-made goods. Better to work for minimum wage at a seasonal job than to become a parasite on the government dole.
What? You have a bachelor’s degree? Well, think of seasonal work as a baby step to your eventual career. And, who knows, perhaps being around all of those holiday shoppers will lift your spirits.
To find a suitable career, look no further than the local advertisements:
“Do you like working with your hands and staying active? Do the words ‘order’ and ‘process’ get you excited? Well, a support specialist might be the position for you!”
If order and process aren’t as titillating as the ad might suggest, how about a more hands-on career? I know a place where you can “take ownership for enhancing the customer experience.”
Don’t tell me you aren’t interested. Okay. Well here’s one you’ll surely love. How about working for a company whose “mission is to leverage the unique talents and passions of [its] employees to inspire, delight, and enrich the lives of [its] consumers.”
In any one of these three seasonal opportunities you will have a chance to help an informed consumer (producer even!) select a tasteful and unique gift for his or her loved one. Just think of it as your small (but not insignificant!) contribution to the the economy. We’re all in this together, after all!