By Rachel Birdsell
I have a phrase I use when someone is losing their mind over something that isn’t worth losing their mind over. I call it “doing the muppet.” If you want to do the muppet, all you have to do is flail your arms wildly over your head, scream a lot about the world ending and run around like your ass is on fire.
Since the announcement was made that the Secret Service was discontinuing White House tours because of budget cuts, a lot of people have been doing the muppet. They’re screaming that President Barack Obama is only stopping the White House tours to retaliate against the Republicans because of the sequester, and “how can he do such a cruel, heartless, potentially life-ending thing to our children?”
Oddly, these are the same people who are embracing Paul Ryan’s lovely budget that cuts funding to Medicaid, food stamps and Obamacare. I guess that makes sense. After all, it’s not like kids need health care or food to live. However, they do need to wander around the Oval Office, Lincoln’s bedroom and cheer on their favorite contender at the presidential mud wrestling arena to survive.
It’s OK if we cut welfare programs to children, because food, shelter and health care are luxuries. We weren’t even meant to live in houses, but it’s our god-given right to tour one. Hell, if it was up to me, we would all still live in caves and kids would be out grappling with bears to use their pelts for warmth. Children would be foraging the woods for berries, and would learn to appreciate the taste of bark. Yes, it’s an acquired taste, but so is Captain Crunch and you don’t see kids having a problem with that, do you?
But that is a utopian world. Instead we live in one where parents are allowed to rely on the government for their children’s health care and food. We might as well allow them to rely on the government for their children’s education. And once that happens, parents will demand the government provide buses to haul their offspring to school. Pretty soon, people will be throwing down their shovels and steamrollers and will start expecting the government to pave the streets for them. Then you’ll have one group insisting some government entity comes out to rescue them when their house is on fire, while another group is demanding the government has to enforce traffic laws. Before you know it, these moochers will expect there to be places where their children can steal books for two weeks at a time without fear of any punishment.
This slippery slope we’re on will land us right in the middle of the government-dependent, commie, socialist, gunless, Kenyan, Muslim hellhole of a country that President Obama has been wanting ever since his first day in office. And if that’s not worth doing the muppet over, I don’t know what is.
Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer and artist. You can write her at email@example.com or find her at facebook.com/RachelABirdsell.