Advice

Bitter Homes And Gardens

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If your wife says another man’s name while making love, what does that mean? It was her ex’s name — my stepson’s dad. She apologized, saying it was only because she remembered needing to call him about problems their son is having at school.

Although I don’t think she’s cheating, I can’t say I believe her excuse, as she compares me negatively with previous men in her life. Had I blurted out another woman’s name, she never would’ve forgiven me. I know she’s had men cheat on her, but I’ve given her no reason to doubt me.

Her response when I try to have a healthy discussion about this or anything is either “whatever” or calling me names and starting a full-blown argument, then suggesting we shouldn’t be together. That’s the last thing I want for our kids.

— Upset

 

There you are, trying your best to give your wife an orgasmatastical time in bed, and not only does she belt out another man’s name, she decides to get a head start on her to-do list. Chances are, your wife’s explanation, that this was just a brain burp, is the truth. And people’s minds do wander during sex — especially when it’s not exactly their first time with a particular partner.

Although every relationship gives rise to wounds, slights and things you wish you could unhear, how you respond depends largely on what your “base” is — personally and as a couple. If you’re emotionally secure and your relationship is loving, you can shrug off a whole lot — maybe even tease your wife about her sexual faux pas.

When you get married, it isn’t just to a woman and all her annoying in-laws; you also marry all her unresolved issues.

Tell your wife that you need to remake your marriage to save it — because you love her and for your kids’ sake. You should bring in a therapist.

 

Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA  90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (advicegoddess.com). Weekly radio show: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon.

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