Commentary

Curious Crow

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Recently an effort was made by Republican lawmakers to repeal New Hampshire’s same sex marriage law. Thankfully, and somewhat surprisingly because of New Hampshire’s Republican controlled house, the repeal was slapped down. So the state’s same sex marriage law is safe — for now.

New Hampshire, along with Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New York and the District of Columbia are the only states that allow same sex marriage. Washington and Maryland passed legislation to allow it, but the laws haven’t taken effect, yet. California’s Proposition 8 was found to be invalid, but the appeals court has postponed enforcement pending appeal. So, there are potentially nine states and D.C. that will allow same sex marriage soon.

While people are fighting to have same sex marriage legalized in every state, there is a really crazy marriage law that is still in effect in half of the country that no one is trying to get repealed. That’s the law that allows first cousins to marry. Nineteen states allow it outright, and six allow it with conditions on age and the ability to reproduce. So, let me get this straight, America. Incest is OK, but two nonrelated adults can’t get married because they happen to have the same kind of naughty bits that their partner has? Well, praise Jesus for incest, y’all!  (You can find out which states allow cousin marriage at ncsl.org. Hopefully, you’re only looking for curiosity’s sake and not because you have your eye on that little cutie you met at the family reunion.)

So, why are people so opposed to same sex marriage that they would forgo protesting incest in favor of protesting “them gays marrying”? I often hear opponents spout something about marriage being between a man and a woman as the precedent because that’s how it is in the Bible. There’s a problem with using the Bible as a marriage manual, though, and that’s because there are some nutty marriage guidelines in there. Bigamy, for instance is sanctioned by God throughout the big book, so that’s going to have to be allowed now. If you’re a woman and you’re infertile, I’m sorry but you’re going to have to let your husband make a baby or two with your handmaiden. If you don’t have a handmaiden, a friend or neighbor can probably substitute. And, girls, if you’re not a virgin on your wedding night and your husband figures it out, you’ll probably be stoned, and I don’t mean via herb. Also, buying a wife with 200 foreskins like David did will soon be all the rage. Like I said, there’s a problem with relying on the Bible for marriage laws.

With the Bible thrown out the window, let’s move on to the non-Biblical arguments. One is that same sex marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage. Just so I’m clear, where is this so-called sanctity of marriage? With divorce as common as it is, that surely can’t be where the sanctity of marriage lies. Is it because there have been straight marriages that have lasted for mere hours? No? I know; it’s drunken Las Vegas marriages, right? It would appear that straight marriage really isn’t very sacred, then, is it?

The most bizarre argument I’ve heard is that if we allow homosexuals to marry, then people will want to start marrying their dogs or children. What kind of mind allows someone to jump from two consensual adults getting married to someone marrying a child? Who thinks of these things? If you’re able to vault to such a ridiculous conclusion, you shouldn’t have any say on same sex marriage.

So, what really will happen once same sex marriage becomes legal nationwide? For one thing, all of the people protesting it will have the time and energy to do something more productive. Maybe they’ll be able to attend a class on how not to be such a bigoted a-hole. Same sex marriage would also bring more money to the wedding industry, and possibly more jobs. Yay job creators!

But the biggest benefit of same sex marriage would be that it would be a huge step in casting away our prejudices and would help us realize that two people who love each other should be able to get married no matter which way their sexual compasses point — as long as they’re not cousins.

Rachel Birdsell is a freelance writer, artist and semi-professional cat wrangler.  Feel free to drop her a note at rabirdsell@gmail.com

 

 

 

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