Compiled by Blair Jackson
President Obama — ‘The Fresh Prez’
Oh, Obama! It seems that you often forget where you are — and that people are listening to you; which is a bad combination when you are addressing a group of people. It’s an even worse when you represent the entire U.S., but it’s OK, that foreign policy question can wait until after you’re done with your waffle. By the way, if you’re the only candidate fighting for the middle class, you better give your waitress a healthy tip. She’s gonna need it.
“When I meet with world leaders, what’s striking — whether it’s in Europe or here in Asia…” — mistakenly referring to Hawaii as Asia while holding a press conference outside Honolulu, Nov. 16, 2011
“I’m here with the Girardo family here in St. Louis.” — speaking via satellite to the Democratic National Convention, while in Kansas City, Mo., Aug. 25, 2008
“I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.” — at a campaign event in Beaverton, Ore.
“No, no. I have been practicing — I bowled a 129. It’s like … it was like Special Olympics, or something.” — making an offhand joke during “The Tonight Show” March 19, 2009 (Obama later called the head of the Special Olympics to apologize.)
“I didn’t want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about doing any seances.” — After saying he had spoken with all the living presidents as he prepared to take office, Washington, D.C., Nov. 7, 2008 (Obama later called Nancy Reagan to apologize. Allegedly, Nancy Reagan consulted with an astrologist when creating her husband’s schedule, but there are no reports of the former first lady conducting séances.)
“Why can’t I just eat my waffle?” — Obama’s response to being asked a foreign policy question by a reporter while visiting a diner in Pennsylvania
“Iran, Cuba, Venezuela. These countries are tiny compared to the Soviet Union. They don’t pose a serious threat to us. (An hour later) Iran is a great threat. It has an illicit nuclear program. It supports terrorism across the region and militias in Iraq.”
“First time I saw 10th Mountain Division, you guys were in southern Iraq. When I went back to visit Afghanistan, you guys were the first ones there. I had the great honor of seeing some of you because a comrade of yours, Jared Monti, was the first person who I was able to award the Medal of Honor to who actually came back and wasn’t receiving it posthumously.” — Unfortunately, Jared Monti received his medal posthumously.
“Everybody knows that it makes now sense, that you send a kid to the emergency room, for a treatable illness like asthma. They end up taking up a hospital bed, when if you just give him treatment early, and they got some treatment, and … uh … a breathalyzer … or an inhalator, not a breathalyzer.” — Live CNN coverage in Bristol, VA
“In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed.” — on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people
Joe ‘Schmoe’ Biden
We get the impression that you’re not really qualified to hold office, Joe. You have a potty mouth and you admitted that Hillary Clinton is better than you. Don’t you know that politics is all about a healthy public image? Since when are people with Indian accents the only ones allowed into 7-11s or Dunkin’ Donuts? Seriously, Joe. What does that even mean?
PUT A NICKEL IN THE SWEAR JAR!
“This is a big fucking deal!” — Joe Biden, caught on an open mic congratulating President Barack Obama during the health care signing ceremony, Washington, D.C., March 23, 2010
“An hour late, oh give me a fucking break.” — Joe Biden, caught on a live mic speaking to a former Senate colleague after arriving on Amtrak at Union Station in Washington, D.C., March 13, 2009
“When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.” — Joe Biden during an interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008
“Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me.” — Joe Biden, speaking at a town hall meeting in Nashua, N.H., Sept. 10, 2008
“You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent … I’m not joking.” — Joe Biden, in a private remark to an Indian-American man caught on C-SPAN, June 2006.