Advice

Advice Goddess

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On Crowd Nine

The man I’ve been in a long-term on-and-off relationship with has started seeing someone else. He’s cagey about the details, but what’s really bothering me is she has no clue I exist. I’m tempted to write her an anonymous note, telling her that I was here first, have been here a long time and am continuing to have sex with her Lothario.
— Pen Poised
Like many people around the holidays, your thoughts turn to the have-nots: “Hi, I believe you have not heard I’m having sex with your new boyfriend.” The reality is, you’re looking to escape feeling vulnerable by lashing out. (When life gives you lemons, break some other woman’s windows with them.) The “anonymous” note is really about telling this woman, “Hey! I’m here! I’m lovable! I’m important!” Well, there’s a better way to say those things, and it won’t even take a stamp. Just call this man and say goodbye. This means finally admitting the parameters of this relationship aren’t working for you. Come on — you’re well-aware you aren’t his one and only, yet there you are complaining, “Waiter, waiter! There’s a harem in my soup!” What is there to say to you but “Yes, madam, of course there is. It’s the Lothario special. It comes with other women on the side.”

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