Commentary

What The?!!!: Feb . 24

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Dur, it's Hatso.

There’s a lot of crazy running around in my head. One of my favorite mental flossing activities to exorcise the crazy out is imagining eccentric billionaire scenarios — dreaming up the kind of behavior that would make guys such as Mark Cuban and Richard Branson envious and look sane by comparison.

Crazy Town

In this dream, I would build an exact replica of the city of Nome, Alaska, somewhere within the state of Alabama.
The replica would have one key difference from its far northern counterpart: loudspeakers would adorn every street corner, rooftop, etc. so the entire town could be blanketed with sound. Playing through these loudspeakers — 24 hours a day, seven days a week — would be a revamped version of a Lynyrd Skynyrd song, “Sweet Nome Alabama.”
Anyone who could endure a full year of living under this condition (noise cancellation headphones not allowed) would receive some sort of cash prize. Assuming, of course, that person remained sane enough to collect the reward.

Ruining The Show

The HBO series “Rome” remains a favorite dramatic action series of mine. Though fictional, it’s attention to detail regarding historical figures and Roman society was fascinating and delightful, particularly in light of the fact that everyone already knew the only way the first season could end: the death of Julius Caesar.
Of course, this provides the perfect set up to ruin the show and annoy everyone who ever watched.
In my fantasy world, “Rome” would play out exactly as aired right up until the final moments. Caesar would enter the halls ready to be emperor while the conspirators readied their knives.
That’s when Batman drops from the ceiling to the Senate floor, punches Brutus in the face and says to Caesar something like “Come with me if you want to live.” Oh, to see Cirrian Hind’s face when he got to that part of the script.
Instead of Caesar being betrayed and brutally stabbed in the back, it’s the audience that gets the shaft in this scenario.

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